Welcome
Lorna’s BackgroundLorna Hayim-Baker is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) who worked in a clinical setting (from 2008-2011) under the supervision of Dr. William James, owner and director of South Shore Counseling & Psychological Services located in Wantagh, New York, where she was given endless referrals consisting of clients and couples who came from all all walks of life and presented with a myriad of diagnoses. Lorna says “experience is the best teacher." After having gained an endless supply of insight form Dr. James's supervision, she modeled her practice after his, but after a couple of years she decided to specialize in marriage/couples therapy; and she also extends her private services to a sprinkling of individual clients who realize the benefits of having a therapist who does not accept their insurance. Her sessions, unlike an insurance session is not a 45 minute session and is more like a sixty to ninety minute session of therapy so they don't feel rushed and are not told that they need need to stop before they finish their thought.
Lorna says it had been her dream to open her own practice. At the end of 2011, Lorna relocated from Long Island to the Riverdale section of the Bronx, where she opened up "Riverdale Therapy & Counseling Services." She says "it was like a light bulb lit up my brain." She gained clarity and and saw her vision vividly; and it was a two part vision that encompassed her mission and her purpose in life. "My mission is to save relationships/ marriages and families; and my purpose was to make my clients/couples 'feel felt' and to make them feel like they 'matter'. Lorna loves helping people who do not have the where-with-all to get to a better place without professional input.
Lorna explained that that people get in their own way when they try to problem solve themselves; and despite their good intentions, they often blow up their relationship. She goes on to say that she is a "solution focused" therapist who thinks outside the box by brainstorming, trouble-shooting and using critical thinking skills to alleviate the issues that are threatening to destroy the relationships of the couples who are coming in for her marathon counseling sessions. Lorna states: "My passion is helping couples to stick it out and teaching them how to weather their personal storms, so they do not quit too quickly, causing a bad break up or a disastrous divorce. She wants her couples to understand their challenges and spare her couples from crumbling and going asunder due to all the pressures that come from "living a life worth while."
One of the hardest challenges of all is getting clients to pay out of pocket for a service that their insurance company will not cover. No insurance company covers marriage/couples counseling, however, clients who really want to work hard at their relationships are willing to pay out of pocket for a service they can not find anywhere else. Lorna has designed a whole new platform when it comes to counseling couples because she knows what is not effective and what is. Lorna designed what she refers to as "My Premarital Marathon" for couples who have already set a date to marry and "My Marriage Marathon" for married couples and "My Marathon for Committed Couples Not Yet Bound By Marriage" from her own life experience of having gone to marriage counselors on a weekly basis for a one hour session and feeling they were just too short to accomplish anything.
Lorna and her husband actually resented going to weekly sessions that met after her husband came home from work and they would have preferred to go to counseling on a weekend, however the pickings were slim. Couples perk up and listen when Lorna describes her marathon sessions because they are long enough to matter. There is a two hour minimum and she blocks off six hours and asks her couples to do the same; but the couples only pay for the hours that they use. Lorna also sees a sprinkling of private individuals who she consults with before accepting them into Riverdale Therapy & Counseling Services. She does not accept insurance but points out all the benefits of seeing a private therapist. Lorna is on call every day and if you leave her a voicemail (not a text and not an email) she guarantees that you get a call back within 24 hours if you state your name, number and some good times for a call-back. Individual clients realize that seeing a therapist who does not accept insurance gets them a sixty to ninety minute session instead of a forty five minute session which can end when the client is in mid sentence. Therapists who accept insurance see clients every forty five minutes and they must stop the session before their client finishes their thought. That does not happen when you see Lorna Hayim-Baker because her sessions are much longer and she never books back to back.
Dr. Belson is Lorna Hayim-Baker's mentor and the professor who had the greatest impact on her professional direction. Lorna was hesitant about getting her master's in social work because of so many family obligations. She decided that she would not overwhelm herself as a mother and would begin by taking two classes at a time, so her family life could still thrive. She says "I was so fortunate to have Dr. Belson as my professor for the first two introductory classes in the social work program, where I got an "A" and an "A-" and those grades boosted my confidence to continue seeking my master's degree in social work." Lorna had the good fortune of finishing her very last class, which was on "Marriage and Family Therapy" and it was taught by Dr. Belson. Lorna states: "It was therefore a 'no brainer' to ask Dr. Belson if he could oversee my private practice to ensure that I dotted all my 'i's and crossed all my 'ts'; and thank G-d he agreed to supervise my private practice that I opened up in the Riverdale section of the Bronx at the end of 2011."
Lorna proudly takes credit for changing the way she conducts her therapy sessions with couples. She refers to her marathon sessions as "My Premarital Marathon" which is designed to counsel couples who have already set a date to get married. "My Marriage Marathon" is for married couples and "My Marathon for Committed Couples Not Yet Bound By Marriage" is quite popular with couples who have children together, but have not yet set a date for marriage.
Lorna says that she herself attended weekly sessions with her husband for as many years as she was married; and looking back and reflecting, Lorna came to realize that as a couple, they resented going to weekly marriage counseling sessions because it took place after her husband came home from work and they were both too tired. Their common complaint was that weekly sessions were inconvenient and ineffective because they were hungry, and unhappy that they needed hired help to tuck their children into their beds. They both found the night time challenge of actually getting their children to sleep on time a very yummy and rewarding experience; and on nights when they had to go to counseling, they felt like they were being robbed of those blissful intimate moments with their three children.
Lorna points out that many of her couples who have come to her marathon sessions tell her that she is "the therapist of last resort" because they have paid anywhere between $250-$400 for a 60-90 minute session and have gotten nowhere. Lorna says "many of my couples/clients have been to many couples' counselors/therapists and say that finding the right match for both partners has been very challenging and very expensive since it became a weekly "out of pocket expense." Many couples reported going to several different therapists and never finding one who could help them become a more intimate and loving couple.
Lorna designed a new platform for marriage/couples therapy with the actual complaints from her couples constantly in her mind and came up with an entirely different modality. She was propelled to design a couples'session that lasted long enough to matter and one that would provide an “aha experience” to the couple. She remembers her personal experience with weekly sessions and claims just getting to the weekly sessions caused dissension and contention. She and other couples left weekly therapy sessions saying "hourly sessions fly by" and then they would just sigh and lose hope because they were not taught how to cope when one partner or the other turned molehills into mountains, and/or became emotionally dysregulated and went from 0-100. Lorna feels that they all went into therapy thinking they would be given a set of tools, or shown a particular technique or skill to help ward off some of their fights when they lost their way and became frazzled; but they were literally taught nil. The couples who were calling had common complaints about their previous couples' counseling experiences. The couples Lorna talked to felt much the same way that she felt. They all wanted to learn how to get back on track after an argument derailed them; and they also wanted to learn some concrete concepts and specific skills to use when they went into a crisis. Most couples told Lorna, that upon leaving their couples' sessions, they left with a feeling of emptiness and a lack of hope; and while driving home, they felt a sense of despair in the air.
Lorna Hayim-Baker set up her private practice "Riverdale Therapy & Counseling Services" to target those couples who have the patience and the commitment needed to sit through a marathon session, which has a minimum of two hours and can last for six hours. Obviously these are couples who want to thrive and will do the work and give couples' counseling their all. I refer to this as being a couple who is "in it to win it" and that same couple must have the desire and where with-all "to put the petal to the metal." Her longest session to date has lasted eight hours and only because one couple realized they were a bad match, yet they wanted to remain friends. They insisted on staying a little longer to get help on how to find a better match for themselves. All couples, once they complete their marathon sessions, are given a four week window for free phone calls to Lorna Hayim-Bakers so she can help you trouble shoot and get you back on track. Future sessions do not have a two hour minimum and couples pay by the hour.
Couples go to therapy seeking solutions to their problems and they want to learn how to substitute their negative repetitive behaviors with new behaviors that can help them to extinguish their disputes before molehills are turned into mountains. Lorna is a solution focused therapist and when couples come to her she can often come up with a unique solution before their minor dispute leads to a brutal attack because she thinks "outside the box." She gives them a "go to" plan should emotions run a muck. The most common report by couples calling Lorna Hayim-Baker at "Riverdale Therapy & Counseling Services" was: "we spent a lot of money on marriage counseling and we got nowhere." That kind of comment devastates a dedicated therapist who specializes in couples/marriage therapy.
"Getting nowhere” and paying out of pocket, is a pathetic outcome. "I know insurance companies are not paying for marriage and/or couples therapy and that is why my free phone consultations are now mandatory and its purpose is to accept couples who I feel I can get to a better place and to eliminate couples who will not mesh with my personality." "The couples calling who do not seem to mesh with me are the couples who leave bad reviews and worse yet, they are the kind of couples who are capable of taking control of my session and blowing it up." "I am quite intuitive and I take the time to make sure who will and who will not benefit from my services; and it may sound conceited and like I am full of my self, but it is actually the opposite outcome." Lorna knows she is not the right match for everyone, and says with candor: "there is no one therapist who can be the right match for every potential couple or individual." For that reason alone, Lorna vets each and every potential couple/client and literally handpicks the couples and clients who she feels will benefit from her style, personality, and skill set.
Lorna Hayim-Baker schedules couples on their day off even if it means giving up her weekends. She says, "in all good conscience, I cannot take money for my services when I know a couple is using a work day, which means their pay will be docked for taking that day off to see me." "I use my personal time to make sure couples are given a free phone consultation because couples' counseling/therapy is an out of pocket expense and not covered by any insurance company. I am adamant about not wasting a potential couple's time and/or their money and that is why I give up a chunk of my personal time to vet every person who calls inquiring about my services." By the time the free phone consultation ends, a couple or a client knows that Lorna is not just in this field to make money; and they sense how dedicated she is when it comes to helping couples/clients find their way. Lorna's mission is to help couples/clients sail through their lives much more smoothly.
"My Marathon Sessions have a minimum of two hours and can last anywhere between two to six hours. During my mandatory phone consultation I will also discuss my fee". Call Lorna Hayim-Baker directly on (917) 270-9595 for your free phone consultation.
"I felt there was a need to come up with an alternative modality for marriage/couples' therapy; and I, therefore, wanted to reinvent how couples/marriage therapy was conducted because couples were presenting with the same repetitive complaint about their previous couples counseling sessions." Couples kept coming up with the same common complaints and said that their sessions were way too short and took place at an inconvenient time; and therefore, couples complained constantly about accomplishing naught. It was their opinion that the time constraint was to blame. "I came up with a design that addresses the crime of not offering couples enough time; and as previously mentioned, I refer to my marathon sessions as "My Marriage Marathon", "My Marathon for Committed Couples Who are Not Bound by Marriage", and "My Premarital Marathon" for couples who have already set a date for their wedding.
Many of the couples who came to Riverdale Therapy & Counseling Services have invested so many years into their relationship and too numerous to mention; but the thought of turning them away would have reduced them to tears. Lorna is constantly trying to come up with solutions to get couples "unstuck" and she does it by examining their past because they are who they are today because of their past. She provides psycho-education that teaches them how to recognize their negative repetitive patterns of behavior; and finally they get to the point where they can stop spinning their wheels and they finally set themselves free and become a couple who is "unstuck." Lorna offers the couples who come to her marathon sessions some solutions so they can break out of that negative repetitive cycle.
In Lorna’s own words: “I now offer marathon sessions only to couples who I feel will benefit from them. She says she is quite careful and cannot accept every couple who calls because there is no one therapist who can be the right match for every couple. 'She says that she intuitively knows with whom she can form a therapeutic bond. "Bonding with your therapist is necessary for a good outcome and I turn down other couples for whom I am not the right fit; and during my free phone consultation that I offer potential couples/clients, it becomes crystal clear with whom I will click with and with whom I won't.
"Dozens of therapists have asked me to teach them the way that I conduct my couples' sessions; but when we meet, they are overwhelmed by the thought of spending two-six hours with one couple." Lorna claims that no one else wants to offer this type of therapy because it requires what seems like an endless amount of time and patience with one couple at a time; and it is simply not a big money maker. Lorna tried reassuring therapists that when their marathon session ended, they would walk away knowing that they just saved a couple from an ugly and/or awful breakup or prevented a couple from going through a disastrous divorce, and that alone would fill them up and make them feel successful. Unfortunately, most therapist have to make a living and there is more money to be made by seeing individual clients for a 45 minute session through out their day. Money seems to matter even in the world of psychotherapy.
"Not one therapist wanted to learn how to conduct a marathon session because it overwhelmed them; and my couples refer to me as their 'therapist of last resort'." Couples have already paid between $200-$400 for their past weekly couples' sessions and reported not getting anywhere. "My marathon sessions have substance, momentum, and they flow because I pay attention to both partners and I literally feel like I am watching a movie." In Lorna's marathon sessions, couples are told that they are like the two main characters in the movie and that Lorna is the therapist who is watching their body language and listening to every word that they say. Lorna claims that couples, for the most part, walk away from her marathon sessions with a feeling of hope; and they also walk away having learned new skills and techniques that can help them embrace change. With their new set of skills and techniques that couples have recently acquired, they are empowered to become more capable of tackling their toxic behaviors and extinguishing them before minor disputes quickly turn molehills into mountains.
Lorna proudly admits that her insight is contagious and couples quickly acquire a new level of "insight" by looking at their relationship through a new and different lens. Lorna feels that her couples quickly master so many positive ways to navigate through their relationships after coming to one of her marathon couples' therapy sessions; and it all happens after they have left her office and say to themselves "that was a real eye opener and we had "an aha experience."
Lorna believes because she thinks outside the box, she is able to develop a different and more effective modality based on the needs of each couple. Most of her couples leave therapy with realized gains and hope. She admits that there is no one therapist who will be right for every couple and there are some couples who will go from therapist to therapist and no one seems to be the right fit for them. No one is admitted into Riverdale Therapy & Counseling Services without a mandatory free phone consultation that takes between five to fifteen minutes and often times a lot longer. The free phone consultation can last a lot longer if Lorna has doubt about whether or not she can get a couple to a better place. She does not want to prematurely abort a possible couples' session without there being a really good reason.
Lorna declares: "raving reviews are music to my ears and I am sure all therapists are on the same page when it comes to reading positive feedback from their clients and/or couples who took the time to post positive reviews on google." Raving reviews written by satisfied couples/clients about their therapists are clients who are not only recommending and complimenting the services provided by their couples' therapist, but they are also couples who are shouting from the roof top that they have found the right match and were able to form a therapeutic bond with their therapist; and that is probably why they had a successful outcome. These grateful couples actually want other couples to also have a successful outcome and that is why they take time to write and post a review. "All I can say is "Bravo!" to all those couples who took the time to write a review for me and it is because of them that my phone is constantly ringing."
Lorna credits those reviews to her vetting process. She makes sure that she is the right match for couples interested in her premarital and/or marriage marathon; and she gives the same mandatory free phone consult to individual clients when they call to make their appointment. Her mission during the free phone consultation is to make sure the couple and/or client clicks with her on that initial call. Potential clients who act angry and/or defensive during their free phone consult are not the right match and nor will they mesh with Lorna’s personality. She is looking for people who can take the truth without sugar coating it, want feed back that is both positive and/or negative, and who can handle the blatant truth. She admits she can be a bit too blunt at times, but she does it to drive home the point. Lorna states: “Many couples' therapists walk on eggshells in order not to disturb the peace and to ensure repeat business by the same couple. Those therapists are more concerned about the couple booking their next appointment so they can charge them for a second session. Lorna's goal is to get them to a much better place during their first marathon session; and she is hoping they do not need a second marathon session.
Lorna says that she prides herself by telling the truth and she does not beat around the bush. Clients who want to sweep the crumbs under the rug to keep peace will not be enabled to go that route at Riverdale Therapy & Counseling Services. Lorna helps her couples identify all those crumbs that they swept under the rug in the past, because she knows that their resentments are buried under the rug along with the crumbs. Lorna's goal is to have her couples'/clients unburden themselves by addressing their past resentments that they swept under the rug. She says "it is time to now unload their resentments.
If you want to have your free phone consult before making an appointment, please call Lorna Hayim-Baker from Riverdale Therapy & Counseling Services on (917)-270-9595. Lorna Hayim-Baker answers her phone personally if she is not in session. Please do not hang up on her recording. All interested couples/clients who want their free phone consultation will get a return call back within 24 hours if you leave a voicemail stating your name, number and best times for a call back.
Lorna states that the screening process she sticks to decreases the chances of her having an appointment with a volatile and hostile couple capable of bowing up her session. If anything, I am too intuitive and after asking some pertinent questions, I weed out and I also welcome and accept cooperative couples into "Riverdale Therapy & Counseling Services." My goal is to provide couples with a safe space for them to unload and express their issues. I also have to feel safe".
"I went to a reunion with fellow graduates from Adelphi where many of my fellow classmates conduct marriage/couples counseling and they also admitted not having a great outcome with every couple with whom they contracted." "I was told that I was selling myself short by turning so many clients away; and after that reunion, I began accepting more couples even though my gut was saying to give them a pass." "I learned that most couples’ therapists were making appointments with all couples who were calling them for their services as long as they agreed to pay their fee so I began relaxing my boundaries, but this did not happen without a price to pay." Lorna says that she realized that the couples who bashed her on line and left bad reviews were the same couples who she accepted reluctantly when she didn't feel that they were clicking with her. Looking back, Lorna feels listening to those therapists was a mistake that could have been avoided. Lorna says: “I have a commitment to excellence and I therefore went back to doing it ‘my way’; and I am only accepting couples'/clients who mesh with my personality." Lorna Hayim-Baker would rather see fewer clients than risk her reputation.
Lorna returned to her way of thinking and today remains true to her philosophy; and she still vets everyone who calls her before accepting them into treatment. For the most part, she feels that her vetting process not only makes her unique in this field, but it also created a comfort zone for her to think outside the box and become an agent of change who is dis-inhibited and confident about giving creative advice and suggestions to receptive couples/clients. Lorna’s goal during her vetting process is getting a gut feeling that their personality and hers will mesh during a marathon session. Due to her keen perception when it comes to peoples’ personalities she can often tell on the initial phone consult whether or not she clicks with potential couples/clients. Lorna states: “I believe in spending five to fifteen minutes with every client who is inquiring about my services. ‘My first question is: why did you pick up the phone to call a therapist today'? I listen to them intently and ask pertinent follow up questions with the hopes of finding out whether or not I am the right therapist for them. I only accept couples and clients who I believe will benefit from my sessions. I must get the feeling that there is a good chance that I can get them to a better place on that initial mandatory phone consultation".
“As of now, I am sticking to my original philosophy of providing my mandatory free five to fifteen minute phone consultations and often quite a bit longer If I feel a sense of doubt. Clients who present with doubt on my end go on a bit longer to eliminate my doubt and to ensure that I do not reject a client before giving them the benefit of the doubt. Doubt leads me to dig a little deeper which prevents me from prematurely aborting a potential couple and turning them down for the wrong reasons.” The benefit of the doubt is given until Lorna is sure that the couple on the phone will not be a good match for her. She credits her mandatory free phone consultations for having so many great reviews posted on Yelp and on Google. “I am taking responsibility for the few bad reviews left by disgruntled and angry clients who I should not have accepted in the first place." So many couples’ therapists suggested to Lorna that she take everyone who was willing to pay for her services; and Lorna feels that may work for them but it doesn’t work for her. They told her that she could be selling myself short, so she took their advice and gave many couples the benefit of the doubt, despite having a gut feeling that they were not the right match for the services that she provides. Lorna explains that she tried to broaden the population that she was willing to accept and now she knows that it was a mistake. She realized you cannot fit "a round peg into a square hole." Lorna proudly admits that there is only a handful of bad reviews and more than one hundred reviews left by satisfied couples/clients. Lorna stated: "Had I remained true to my initial vetting philosophy that number of bad reviews would have decreased."
Lorna Hayim-Baker states:"it is part of a therapist’s job to take on difficult clients because the therapist may have a better outcome than they thought was possible. It is better to try, then to walk away and give up too easily on potential couples/clients" and that was told to me by Dr. Richard Belson, my professor, my liason between my internships and Adelphi University and the professor who supervised my practice when I opened it in 2011. "Dr. Richard Belson normalized the concept of being a dedicated therapist and made me understand that even the best of therapists will not succeed all the time."
Lorna wants to make sure that everyone reading her website understands that no insurance company covers marriage and/or couples therapy. She urges you to call your insurance company to see for yourself that this type of therapy is an out of pocket expense. Couples' therapists see patients weekly and for sessions that last an hour and at the most an hour and a half. My clients/couples have deemed these weekly session to be ineffective and say that the cost is exorbitant. Lorna delivers couples/marriage therapy in a new and different format. A session is viewed as a workshop and there is a two hour minimum. Lorna blocks out six hours on her calendar because couples use anywhere between three to six hours. There is a minimum of two hours, but Lorna said that only one couple stayed two hours and that was because their baby sitter called up saying that she felt sick. Couples only pay for the hours that they use.
Lorna says,“I designed a more effective way of delivering couples counseling to married and unmarried committed couples. Couples are calling to schedule an appointment because they think of me as their ‘therapist of last resort’." "It is not uncommon for someone to say that they have gone to a few marriage counselor’s where they met for 6-8 weekly sessions and nothing was accomplished. Weekly couples’ sessions that meet for an hour has proven to be ineffective and very expensive, especially in today’s world where both partners work and have opposite schedules”.
“One couple, who paid $400.00 a session, diligently attended four sessions and called me out of sheer desperation saying that they did not get anything out of those sessions. This couple was stuck in a negative repetitive pattern of behavior and they were arguing all the time and getting nowhere. They referred to me as ‘their therapist of last resort’. Two hours into their session with me they said ‘we learned so much more in these two hours with you, than we learned during the four sessions that we spent with our last therapist’. That kind of a comment is music to any therapist’s ear and especially to mine.”
Lorna credits herself with designing a whole new platform consisting of a new modality which she refers to as "marathon therapy’"and she states, “I tell it like it is". "I am the only therapist that offers a session that can go on for six hours. I can do that for two reasons. I have an endless amount of patience for all my patients and because I am passionate about saving couples from ugly break ups and/or disastrous divorces, so I hang in there for as long as needed. I do not watch the clock unless I know the couple has set a time limit for their session. I do not suggest making an appointment when you have a time limit.
“I refer to my sessions as 'My premarital Marathon', ‘My Marriage Marathon’, and ‘My Marathon for Committed Couples Not Yet Bound By Marriage’." These sessions have the format of a workshop and Lorna tells her couples that they cannot come back for one month (she does make exceptions). For one month these couples can call Lorna with questions and she calls everyone back who leaves her a voicemail. She tells them that they can call with questions to help them get back on track.
Lorna doesn't feel that weekly sessions which meet for forty five to sixty minutes are effective because they go by much too quickly. Her sessions covers specific modules and has a beginning, middle and an ending. Most of Lorna's couples walk out of their marathon sessions having learned new skills, techniques, and tools to practice over the next month and they also walk away feeling hopeful and optimistic about their future. These couples can use the tools they were taught in their session to become a more intimate and fulfilled couple. Going forward, couples begin to now use their emotional intelligence when they do not see eye to eye and/or firmly disagree, instead of going from 0-100 and becoming "emotionally dysregulated."
Lorna is also a solution focused therapist who specializes in pre-marital and marriage/couples therapy and she extends her therapy to individual clients who are struggling with substance abuse, anxiety, depression, relationship issues with romantic and platonic partners.
Lorna Hayim-Baker admits that she too went down roads less traveled and her marriage took on a circuitous theme while living out her own personal storms until they found the right therapist. The right therapist was not only able to identify their problem but that therapist also told them what they needed to do in order to resolve some of their issues. Lorna credits herself with saving her husband from cancer and for making him take responsibility for the problems he was causing to himself and to their family, that had nothing to do with his cancer. The story is too long too mention and is personal; but it put her in touch with an endless supply of psychiatrists and therapists who fall into the category of being "the best in the field." Dr. Richard Belson, Lorna's mentor and supervisor for her practice told her to always go to the very best doctors in their field." "I admit that using my personal story to help other people who are experiencing similar or the same struggles in their marriages and it helps them to know that I can identify with their struggle."
Lorna became a licensed clinical therapist to help people who were struggling with substance abuse. She wanted them to find their way and make it into “recovery”. She did not want young couples to struggle with alcoholism, cannabis abuse or with any other substance. She did a couple of internships at substance abuse clinics and along with her personal story she can recognize when "substance abuse disorder" is causing couples to fight even though they are in denial or really do not understand the nature of their disease. "My intent, when I went into this profession, was to help clients/couples understand that ‘Substance Abuse Disorder’ was in some way destroying their relationships and lives. I was prepared to see people with all different diagnoses but I gravitated toward doing marriage/couples counseling because I found that 'substance abuse disorder’ was often present and running rampant in the lives of the many couples who came to me for therapy. They were clueless about alcoholism and did not know how to identify or define it. Others' smoked pot every night and said they were not taking any drugs. I first have to educate couples how to define a substance abuse problem. That’s when I become their least favorite person. More often than not, couples were not knowledgeable that one or both had a drinking problem or were abusing some other drug. Many people normalize drinking and smoking pot because it is legal and they do not relate to having a problem. Getting them to see that they have a problem is very challenging and getting them out of denial is not always possible. For this precise reason, we as therapists can not help everyone. We must try and Lorna states "I do try!"
“Many people come to my practice and tell me that they just drink socially and/or occasionally. Once I hear them say that they drink socially or occasionally, then I know not to take their word at face value. I need to begin to probe. More often than not, one or both has a problem with a substance. Many domestic violence cases happen and are reported and when they come to see me, the root cause was too much alcohol by one or both partners. Drinking can cause a person to be nasty and aggressive and cause dirty fighting that gets out of control. So many people come from parents who have never been diagnosed with "substance abuse disorder." Very often I hear young people saying their parents died in their forties and fifties and even their sixties. I pay attention to that. I cannot tell you how many of those parents died prematurely and of an alcohol related diagnosis. So many people are not educated about "substance abuse disorder" and blamed their problems on anything except the substance that they were abusing and they were not lying; but clearly they were not educated about "Substance Abuse Disorder."
Singles Counseling
Lorna also works with clients who have challenging issues with their family of origin and extended family members, as well as with married and unmarried couples. “I often work with people who are single and who are desperate to find a life partner. Many people are clueless how to pick the right person and they are tired of the endless dating game that is getting them nowhere. So many single people tell me that they struggle with dating and finding the right partner with whom they can foster a genuine and loving relationship. "I enjoy coaching single clients who feel they are losing out on finding true love."
Lorna also coaches single people who are reluctant to use on-line web-sites or even to take a “fix up” by trusted friends because of prior failed relationships. She teaches these troubled and often lonely individuals how to change their unsuccessful dating patterns, by avoiding their negative repetitive past behaviors and errors. In elevating her single clients’ chances for success, Lorna helps them review their past dating patterns, by bringing to their attention and pointing out why they are still spinning their wheels and getting nowhere. Once she establishes a rapport with her single clients who are seeking to find loving relationships, she assists them in constructing the most inviting bios to be uploaded to their chosen sites.
Lorna understands that, although online dating is one of the best ways of meeting other single people, it goes against the grain of many individuals. Yet, the Pandemic made online dating the most efficient and sometimes, the only way of meeting new people. Still, it is not right for everyone. “I explain to single people who engage in online dating that they have to be patient, consistent, and very careful." Writing a bio needs to be accurate when you define who you are; and it also has to express what attributes the clients are seeking in potential life partners. "Moreover, I discuss the possibilities of attending alternative avenues of meeting people, such as book clubs, theater groups, social dance classes and the like."
Lorna’s Methodology
“I have been through countless hours of individual therapy, couple’s therapy and family therapy throughout my marriage of twenty three years; and I am all too familiar with the reality that hour long sessions, even over the course of many months, often do not help a couple make enough progress in a timely enough manner and they separate prematurely." Lorna was, therefore, determined to find and employ a far more pragmatic, productive and beneficial approach. This is when she went to work and designed sessions that cover too many modules to mention. Couples come to Lorna already in crisis but she does not give up; and that’s precisely when she puts the petal to the metal and tries to save them from disastrous divorces and/or ugly breakups and she declares that she does have a high success rate.
“Thus, after much experimentation in these regards, and mostly through virtual zoom sessions over the last few years, I have developed what I refer to as: ‘My Marriage Marathon’ or ‘My Marathon For Committed Couples Who are Not Yet Bound By Marriage’. I am talking about a session that lasts 5, 6, 7, hours”. Lorna admits that she is careful but no longer sees couples and/or clients virtually. All her clients are seen in her office located in the Riverdale section of the Bronx which hangs over the Henry Hudson River because in person sessions are much more effective.
“Before you start to sweat profusely, and check your bank account, you must fully understand what this entails. At the beginning of each session, I give each spouse or partner his or her own therapy session with full disclosure to the other partner, who is listening quietly but intently. At this stage, I inquire about what their lives have been like in order to analyze the individual behaviors that have been causing unrest in their present day relationship. I need to know the history of both partners, since everyone is who they are today because of what they have gone through in their past.
Lorna has discovered that even couples who have been together for years, or even decades, have no awareness of many trials, tribulations and life challenges that their partners have endured and survived, serving as the bedrock of their present emotional intelligence quotient. Hence, those partners have no knowledge of what life-altering adversities their partners have lived through and therefore, why they are who they are today. “These initial individual sessions (within the longer marathon session, with the silent partner listening) have been proven to arouse and spawn great theretofore non-existent empathy in each other's lives as their respective life long histories are first realized and shared at the same time. Couples become more intimate after their partners reveal significant events from their past and how it impacts upon their present. We get to see how their past is responsible for making them who they are today. The great benefit is getting to know your partner’s past because knowing all parts of your partner fosters intimacy.”
Lorna takes in as much information about their respective past to analyze their past patterns of negative repetitive behaviors which have been undermining their present relationships.
NOTE: Lorna will not accept a couple who cannot get a babysitter or plan to steal themselves away for three to six hours. The distraction resulting from the baby’s needs are counter-productive to the benefits to be obtained from the session.
The Initial Consultation
These days, for reasons discussed, many, if not most therapists who specialize in marriage and couples counseling have their phones constantly ringing. Lorna’s phone (917-270-9595) not only rings often, but she also answers it personally when she is not in session or in the midst of another phone consultation. Lorna has her phone turned on seven days a week and makes her self available seven days a week to accommodate difficult schedules. Weekends are booked in advance and scooped up by couples who do not work on weekends. Lorna keeps careful track of messages and endeavors to return each call personally. She guarantees a call back within 24 hours if you leave her a voicemail stating your name, number, and alternative best times for a callback.
The Fee Structure
During the mandatory free phone consultation Lorna will also explain the initial fee and its gradation over the course of the marathon session, noting the (widely unknown) reality that marriage/couples therapy is not covered by most insurance policies.
Lorna’s Philosophy
Lorna prides herself as an agent of change. Change is possible if you want to break away from your repetitive negative cycle of failed relationships that feels all too familiar. Lorna will stop your wheels from spinning and get you "unstuck" so you can actually make progress and attain success. She will help you break out of your pattern of negative repetitive behaviors that have been holding you back from being in a positive and healthy relationship with your spouse, partner, family of origin, extended family, or platonic and/or romantic relationships. These negative repetitive patterns of behavior have most likely taken you down some pathetic paths. Lorna wants to teach you how to stop going down all the wrong roads and, instead, she helps you to choose more positive paths, which will lead you to places where you have never been with a special person in your life.
Surely, these patterns of negative repetitive behaviors are burdensome because they may have made your relationship or dating experience disastrous, and caused you a life of despair. Lorna wants to help you, either remain with, or pick the right person, so that they can obtain a relationship of fulfillment, joy and ceaseless laughter.
Single people who want to be a part of a couple need to stop their “poor picking” which has become part of their negative repetitive pattern. “Poor picking” is a big reason why people take the bumpy highway where there is always an emotional price to pay. Taking the road less traveled (the road you do not yet know) will be the road that will allow you to sail more smoothly through your life.
Lorna wants to help you understand why bad things happen to good people so they can be avoided, if possible in all future undertakings, as far as relationships are concerned. People do not choose their lot in life, but how they think and how they act can make their time on this planet far more fulfilling. So many people are stuck and get nowhere because they do the same thing over and over again hoping for a better and different outcome. That, it has been said, is the definition of "insanity."
Therefore, a pattern of negative, repetitive behavior is self destructive and it will come to define you if you do not work on changing your actions and reactions that have become bad habits. Lorna helps you understand that these bad habits serve only to keep your wheels spinning so you are prevented from getting yourself “unstuck.” In turn, the inertia prevents you from moving on up and from having real growth as human beings and prevents you from finding a lifetime partner. This is why understanding yourself is so important. Being comfortable in your own skin is paramount to becoming the kind of a person who wants to change and turn into a person who can live a life worth celebrating alone or with someone else.
On the other hand, situations do indeed arise where Lorna can help you recognize if your present relationship is irretrievably toxic, rather than just needing improvement in specific areas. In such event, if that is the analysis and your desire, she will help you extricate yourself from a situation that is simply destined for destruction, thereby allowing you to pick up the pieces and move on to someone who is a better fit.
So, for a far more serene, peaceful and fulfilling tomorrow, contact Lorna Hayim-Baker today - 917-270-9595